Szyba

Co dzień ta sama zabawa sie zaczyna i przypomina dziecinne Twoje sny…. Chcesz rozbić taflę szkła – a ona się ugina i tam są wszyscy, a naprzeciw – Ty…

Mała, zagubiona dziecina. Miliony myśli w głowie, dziesiątki scenariuszy oraz mnóstwo uczuć i emocji skrywających się głęboko we wnętrzu. Pełen zapał, entuzjazm i radość skrywane w środku, nie chcą, chyba juz nie potrafią dać upustu. Gdzieś zatracona radość i spontaniczność. Obawa przed wyśmianiem, byciem infantylną, dziecinną, niepoważną. Kilka lat walki o to, by się dostosować, być bardziej dojrzałą; teraz skutkuje to zagubieniem, zatraceniem własnego ja i tego dziecka w sobie, które było uwielbiane przez wiele osób. Coraz mniej uśmiechu na twarzy. Same pytania: o sens, o cel, o to czy warto. Rozterki. Szczęście tylko to ulotne, krótkotrwałe. (Nie)udawane. Chęć rozmowy i niemoc wypowiedzenia tego, co najgłębiej. Lęk. Strach. Meandry. Chcę, ale się boję. Nie chcę, ale powinnam, tak wypada, tak powinno zostać. Brak odwagi.

Czy (gdzie?) jest jeszcze ta dawna M., którą w sobie uwielbiała, ta uśmiechnięta, czasem zabawna, z błyskiem i szczęściem w oczach?

160 Comments

  • Co spowodowało to zatracenie?

    • Chęć dostosowania się. Tego w jakimś stopniu ode mnie (tak mi się wydawało) wymagano: dojrzałości i bycia dorosłą.

  • A może to już czas przestać przejmować się tym „co wypada, a co nie”? W końcu nasze życie, nasza sprawa jak je spędzimy… chyba o szczęście chodzi a nie o robienie czegoś pod kogoś :)

    • Uwierz, staram się. Wiem, że muszę zacząć chwytać wiatr w żagle i dać sobie się rozwinąć. I spróbować najnormalniej w świecie żyć :)

      • Lepiej zrazić się, próbując niż żałować, że jest się bezczynnym :)

  • Nikt za Ciebie życia nie przeżyje i nikt nie powinien od Ciebie wymagać przystosowania się i bycia kimś, z kim sama źle się czujesz. Bądź sobą, żyj po swojemu i ucz się na własnych błędach. Nie zabijaj tego dziecka w sobie, bo „gdzieś w każdym z nas jest dziecka ślad..” :)

  • Myślę, że kiedy jesteś w stanie zauważyć, że to straciłaś możesz zacząć walczyć o powrót tego dziecka :)

  • Przeraża mnie taka poważna dorosłość.

  • Metro… uwielbiam ;)
    Czasem mam tak samo, ale potem stwierdzam, że szkoda życia i nerwów…

    • Ja też Metro ubóstwiam, kilka piosenek ulubionych jest, Szyba, Uciekali, Wieża Babel, Kopciuszek… I inne :)

      Oczywiście, że szkoda nerwów. Ale czasami, w danej chwili trudno to sobie przetłumaczyć :D

  • Na pewno jest jeszcze tamta M, :) Czasem trzeba zajrzeć w gląb siebie, odrzucić wszystko i wszystkich, którzy powodują, że stajemy się kimś innym…

    P.S. Wiem, jakie to trudne :(

  • Kiedyś też dużo myślałam o tym co wypada, co trzeba, co należy… W efekcie ja nie byłam szczęśliwa, a i wszyscy dookoła i tak ciągle mieli jakieś pretensje, coś im nie pasowało. Dlatego postawiłam siebie na pierwszym miejscu: moje plany, pragnienia i marzenia. Jestem o niebo szczęśliwsza, czego i Tobie życzę! :*

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